#like oof i love me some morally questionable characters

[buzzyb33]

Moral of the story

Prompt: after Y/n and Ethan broke up a year prior and seeing each other again just pisses off the girl and excites Ethan, they didn’t end their relationship on good terms but he’s still got the feels for her.

Warnings: swearing, ansty

I was walking down the streets of London, my coat wrapped around my waist as I treaded to my apartment.

I have my head down as the weather was foul, the biting winter hitting hard.

I keep walking before I slam into something hard and I hear a soft ‘oof’

I go to apologise but as I look up and make eye contact with the man we both freeze.

“Y/n?”

“Ethan..”

-

Last year, I was working on my photography and YouTube channel, I was big on the side of British commentary and met people that helped me grow, I put more budget into my videos and in 2 years I was one of the biggest female alone British channels.

I met bigger YouTubers and came close with the sidemen, especially Ethan.

We went out and drank together.

We fell in love.

We were happy for 2 and a half years, until June 2023 that was.

He was going out more which was fine, I couldn’t keep him on a lead.

He grew more distant but that’s fine, he’s stressed, I’m not his whole life.

He became more antsy, that’s fine, he needed some space.

I gave him space and he got drunk and fucked Mia Malkova as she stayed in the uk after their recording, I didn’t find out till three weeks later.

The worst thing was he didn’t seem to feel bad at all, I found out through friends of friends.

My heart broke and when I confronted him he got on his knees in front of me and begged.

He said how ‘he was drunk’ and ‘she doesn’t mean anything to him’

He spoke about things he didn’t mean the whole time I started packing my shit with tears pouring down my cheeks.

“Ethan! Stop!” I say in between broken sobs as he tries to hug me but I push him off.

I put all my bags in my car and wipe my eyes as Ethan continues to plead behind me.

“Y/n- I swear! Please don’t go- you mean so-“

I cut him off.

“I’ll send cal round tomorrow for the rest of my shit.”

I slam the door to my BMW and go home, I drive in to my road

I call Callum (Callux) and ask him to come round.

“N/n- is it important?” He said and I responded with a simple ‘yes’

He came round and knocked on my door.

I opened Ito and immediately hugged him.

“Woah, n/n-“ he began as I started to cry again.

“What’s happened..” he muttered to me as he held me to his chest.

I tried to stand up but he shushed me and sat on the floor with me between his legs as I calmed myself down.

His back was against the door as he held me gently.

“… was it Ethan?” He asked me gently as if I’d break if he spoke any louder. I nod between sobs.

I hear him exhale deeply.

“Can- I ask you yes and no questions?” He uses the same time with earnt him another nod.

“Have you broken up?” He asked me with a sickening soft tone, especially for his character.

I respond with another nod.

“Okay- did.. he break up with you or-“

I shake my head and he exhaled again.

After cal realised Ethan had cheated on me, he let me sob into his hoodie for a while.

Keeping away from each other was difficult, especially when he wanted to just ‘talk’.

You can’t excuse sticking your dick in another girl while in a relationship though.

I got my pre recorded videos out when appropriate and announced I was having a break.

Ethan had trouble talking to the boys about what had happened.

“Where’s Y/n? Why’s she having a break?.” Simon commented as they were having a break from the set of their sidemen Sunday.

“What? Oh we broke up.” He said averting his gaze to his finger nails as Tobi chokes on whatever flavour of prime he’s drinking.

“What?! Why? You two are like-“ Tobi sputtered.

“I don’t know lads- I don’t wanna talk about it..”

He started and Harry looked at him.

“What did you do?” Ethan’s face turns a tint of red.

“Not-“

“Mate, what did you do, I’ll just ask cal, they’re like- weird friends. They tell each other everything.” He eyes him, having his own guesses.

Harry starts and Ethan’s mind goes to the way Cal looked at him when he came to collect the rest of Y/na stuff.

He’d never seen him so.. angry.

“I- was drunk boys! I just-“

“You cheated on her? Ethan man..” Josh tuts, clearly disappointed.

“Well-“ he sighs. “Yeah, lads, I did.” Doesn’t even have it in to defend himself. Why should he?

“Mate, you’ve well and truly, fumbled the bag.”Having his friends almost ashamed of him wasn’t good.

They were in the same friendship circle, made videos with the same people, Ethan’s best mates were her best mates, this would cause problems and they knew it.

No sets together. No among us together. No joint colabs. Just. Y/n and Ethan.

On some nights, Y/n went too see Freya and they spoke, one time they got too drunk, Josh heading giggles from the other room before the tone switched up.

“Freya- I- miss him.. maybe it was an accident.. cal told me to-“ I exhale. “Cal told me to not let him get to me- I saw it coming..” I say as I rub my eyes.

“Maybe- he never loved me- you know, he was my first real boyfriend since I was like 17.” I say as tears rim my eyes.

“N/n.. just- let time take its course- maybe, you’ll be okay without him.” She said to me, I could hear how unsure she was.

I nod and sip my wine.

It would never hurt less.

-

“You- look good.” He smiles uncertain, opening his mouth to talk again. “Do- you want to talk?”

“Uhm. No, move the fuck out of my way, Ethan.” I spit, urging him to move from the sidewalk.

“Y/n, please, just a talk.” He pleaded, his blue eyes showing desperation, utter desperation.

“There’s nothing to say!” I say in a defeated tone and meet his eyes.

“I loved you- I don’t understand why- alcohol isn’t an excuse either! I don’t want to talk to you!” I whisper- shout as people swerve around us.

Since before this, we haven’t spoken to each other, at all. In a year and a half. Cal got all my stuff and I could avoid him.

This was a lot right now.

“Y/n- you don’t understand how sorry I am- I hate myself everyday for it! Please- just- a coffee?”

He pleaded, his hands clasped together.

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

I shove past him and keep walking.

He stands there, lost.

He wants her back.

He well and truly fumbled the back a year ago, but who was to say he couldn’t get it back?

He turned around and saw his ex girlfriend storm away from him.

He’d take his chances now, he pulled his phone out and called Callux.

“Yes mate?” He picked up after two rings.

“Can you set me up with Y/n? I know- but- I’m just trying to at least make things right.”

No, he wanted her in his bed arms. Both.

He stayed quiet for a while.

“Mate- she.. I don’t think she would want me bringing you up at all- and I’m like her gay best friend- who isn’t gay- so- setting her up is just..”

He trailed off as Ethan thought of something else.

“Just- ask her how she feels about me.”

He says into the phone as his legs take him further down the street.

“Oh I know what she thinks of you- she fucking hates you, she said you broke her heart, you ruined how she looks at men- how she thinks a stupid ginger prick- her words- have her trust issues and how she doesn’t want to miss you.”

He says matter of factly.

“So she misses me?”

Cal sighs: “listen mate- there’s nothing I can do- you can ask freezy to arrange a video or something- that’s your best bet- also- you should like listen to what else I said. Not just the missing bit.”

Ethan sighed down the phone before letting out a small 'yeah, okay' and hung up.

This girl. She trusted him and now what? Would he be that pathetic and got on his knees for her? Yes. Yes he would.

-

“No, fuck off.” I say the second the words leave his mouth.

“N/n it’s a charity video. Are you that much of a bad person to not contribute?” Cal says as his hands grip my shoulders.

His stubbles growing in. That meant another talking stage.

“Yeah. With the sidemen, Cal- Ethan-“ I start. “And don’t guilt trip me.” I huff.

“Yeah. The sidemen. Not your ex boyfriend it’s the sidemen. The YouTube group. No strings attached with so many over people. It’s a massive set. Challenges. A twelve hour stream.” He pleads.

“I’ll be there! Just- I’m begging you!” He shakes me lightly.

I couldn’t say no.

“Okay..”

A week and a half later I was preparing my camera around my neck as i mildly listened listen in on freezy and will talking about F1.

I sigh as I enter the set.

“Ten minutes!”

I sit next to Freya and Cal and lean my head back.

-

His eyes snap up. She came. Looking beautiful.

-

Time passed; the stream went on. I leave set to fill up my water and Ethan is behind me.

“Bella..” he says and I close my eyes.

“Ethan.” I say.

“I- want to say sorry. I didn’t even explain myself at the time properly. I just.. tried to get myself out of trouble.” He says, looking down at me.

“Thank you.” I say reluctantly.

He picks his words carefully from the way his mouth opens and closes a few times.

“I.. miss you.” He says.

“I miss what we were, too.” I say simply and he gulps.

“Can.. we stop avoiding each other? Just.. be.. mutual.” He smiles weakly.

“Okay..”

Maybe I was healing. Well: that was until he called me while drunk.

“Hey pretty..” he slurs.

“You fucked someone else? Drunk, came to say sorry?” I say a little bitterly as I leave my phone on my desk, loudspeaker my fingers editing my video.

“… harsh.. miss you.. just..” he hiccups. “I don’t want your body.. well.. that would be nice.. but, more than anything, n/n.. I want.. I wantchu.. a hug..”

I blink.

“And, just.. i hope.. you can forgive me.. and hug me.. in my heart it’s enough. More than.. enough but in my soul.. fuck, pretty.. I wanna marry you.” He slurs with a small laugh at the end.

“Love you, y/n.” He mumbles after a few minutes of silence.

“I love you too.. I miss you..” I whisper. All the walls I’ve built up cracking. But I hold out.

“Come over when your sober.” He hums and I hang up.

Two days later I get a knock, I open my door and see Ethan, his hands cupped around some water lilies.

“Uh..”

He says.

I take the flowers.

He smiles.

“I.. miss you.. so much.. please.. just..”

I nod and his arms immediately go around me.

“I’m sorry baby..” I say softly. “I just.. can’t.. trust you again..” he gulps and pulls away.

I stick my pinky out.

“Friends?” I ask and his pinky extends too, though shaky.

“Friends.”

Masterlist!

[neuroticbookworm]

Ephemerality of Self-Identity in Only Friends, episode 6

Love, LOVE, LOVE how Only Friends captures the chaos of being in your 20s so fucking brilliantly. Everyone seems self-assured and confident, until a pebble drops and unleashes a wave of hypocrisy and insecurities that reveals more about themselves than the person who threw the stone.

Sand confidently tells his mom him and Ray are just friends who sometimes have fun with each other. But then he goes to some unhinged lengths to execute a twofer: revenge on Top for stealing his ex and on Boston for ruining the perfect fairytale delulu narrative he was building in his head about how Ray and him were becoming a couple.

Top could not stop telling Mew time and again that he has changed for the better and will do anything for him. But the second Sand challenges his new persona and calls his bluff, he gets enraged enough to boast how "He can get anyone he wants" giving away the truth that Mew is a conquest to him, a fresh new experience that is exciting at the moment.

Boston has been the agent of chaos who lives life however the fuck he wants, projecting himself as the most self-assured in the group, but when Ray stormed in and questioned him how could he do this to his friends, to Mew and Top, the first sentence out of Boston's mouth was "I don't hate Mew at all" ...Okay? Boston may proclaim himself as the lone wolf who is above it all, but deep down he also harbours insecurities about his reputation in the sexual marketplace, and the questions of his morality that arises with it, especially compared to someone like Mew, who he knows is not as virginal as he claims to be.

And Mew. Mew who was so fine with being single and inexperienced, Mew who made a boyfriend project out of top-tier Top. The moment he learned about Top's infidelity, all his insecurities came pouring out. "Why did it have to be Boston? Did you guys plan this together? You just wanted to mess with a virgin idiot like me? Did you have fun? Did you laugh about me together in bed?" Oof, Mew. That is some good TopBoston fanfiction.

I know I'm missing many more instances of hypocrisy and insecurities (the Boston-Nick-Gap interaction demands a separate post). But the trend is clear: these character have no idea who they are, who their friends are, and are yet fighting one another about who's winning in life -- according to their own yardsticks (brilliant fight analysis post by my bestie @lurkingshan)

The self-identities of the youth is fleeting and ephemeral, so porous and unstable that a single, well-aimed word can bring it crashing down.

[drchenquill]

Writer Questionnaire~

Thank you @the-golden-comet , @kaylinalexanderbooks and @the-letterbox-archives for the tag!

how long have you had your writing tumblr/writeblr? a fast and loose estimate is fine!

I think a couple of months.

what led you to create it?

I wanted to find a place to share and talk about my stories and OCs and meet other creative minds.

what’s your favourite thing about the writeblr community?

The support. The overflowing creativity that inspires me to keep writing and the lovely people I've met so far.

what’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

That I appreciate every type of interaction, really. Even if you want to reach out to ramble about your stories, I always welcome it. ( Although I won't do the first step because I'm socially anxious and awkward)

is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

I like my dash how it is, but I would love more positivity, any kind of positivity. People need to know that they are loved and appreciated, because everyone is.

which wips or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

I'm currently writing on a WIP called "Daisy." It's a werewolf romance story with some drama sprinkled in.

how long have you been working on them?

God, I don't know. Long? I often forget because I work on others in between so I lose track on when I started what.

do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

It was born in my "Wattpad-werewolf-story" era. (I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I basically inhaled those type of stories)

how much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

A lot.

when someone asks the dreaded, “what do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

I usually say I write fantasy-romance, which is just the tip of the iceberg. I don't usually talk about what I write outside of Tumblr, other than my family, and they know exactly what I write about. (I basically force it down their throat)

name any characters you created. side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, the first original abomination you ever pulled from your ass; whomever you’d like!

Oof, my OC list is way too long for this. I'm just going to mention the ones I mentioned here more often:

Leon Martens - Kilian - Margaret Robins - Kiki - Azul - Sophie

who’s the most unhinged?

Okay, I think it would be Atlas. I never, ever, mentioned him, but he is bat shit crazy. One of the first scenes of his story, he jumps from one moving car to another, laughing like a maniac. But right after him comes Azul.

who comes the most naturally for you to write?

I think Azul.

do you ever cringe at them?

Yeah, sometimes I write some cheesy sentences and cringe a bit, but I love it~

how much control do you feel you have over your characters? do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? to what degree? are some less cooperative than others?

NONE. These bastards don't care what I have planned for them, they just do what they please.

do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters? and do you have a preferred means of receiving said questions? for example, as asks, as replies, as reblogs, as tag notes, as comments on ao3, etc.

I love, love, love, love getting questions about my babies. In any shape or form.

what makes you want to follow another writeblr account? do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? do you follow based on wips, or vibes?

I follow based on vibes, I think. But mostly because I'm very much interested in the stories.

what makes you decide against following?

Easy, if I feel like they are a bad person or if our morals don't align.

do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Not that often.

do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

YES! A LOT! Some honorable mentions: Dr. Tievis, brought to life by the lovely @finickyfelix (he is a little meow meow. I know he wants to fuck monsters, but nobody is perfect.) Vesperine by another lovely person @theink-stainedfolk (she is beauty, she is grace) Marsh by yet another lovely person @paeliae-occasionally (I know he kills a lot, but I don't judge a man by his hobbies) and recently I've wanted to adopt Tenshi by the lovely @the-golden-comet (but I was told someone was faster)

This is just the top, there are so many more because you lovely people have such a beautiful and creative minds that you always amaze me with your creations.

~~~`

Thank you for reading this far. I love you~ (very platonically but very affectionately)

Tagging for this with no pressure @theink-stainedfolk , @finickyfelix , @thecomfywriter , @paeliae-occasionally , @davycoquette , @oliolioxenfreewrites open tag~

[simlit]

3, 6, 7, 9, 13, 19, 22, 24, 25, for VEN

What is your OCs fatal flaw? Are they aware of this flaw?

In his current state? Probably his selflessness. He gives too much to people and has a hard time drawing lines if it's someone he deeply cares about. Case in point, letting Naida more or less railroad the entire family into chasing the Fountain of Youth. In his defense, Naida isn't really someone you can win fights against, but considering the dangerous nature of the voyage, one would think he should have fought against it a lot harder. I do think he's aware of it, but not in a way he can actively check, because it's a lot of him overcompensating for the way he used to be and the things he's done. So I guess a larger and probably more fatal flaw is the fact that he carries around so much guilt and does a lot in the name of reparations.

How easily could your OC be convinced to do something that goes against their moral compass?

Easily, but tbh I feel this is one thing Ven shares with Kato. His morals can be bent depending on who is involved and the consequence of the situation. Ven isn't standing on moral highground in the first place, despite understanding right and wrong well enough. He certainly doesn't care enough about authority not to break rules, and as far as life or death is concerned, a life will always matter less to him if they're at odds with someone he loves. That being said, I think he's resourceful enough to find ways around making risky choices.

What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

Also a really fun question, cuz I haven't thought about it in years LOL. Though Ven stayed mostly the same from conception, he was supposed to be a bit more "roguish" even after his Reaper years. More of the typical pirate: loose, unkempt and thieving. But he ended up being way more charitable and straightlaced than I'd initially planned, but that ironed itself out almost immediately so I don't really consider it to have been "the plan" just "what I had had in mind at some point" lmao. Now the idea of Ven sleeping around with literally anyone is goddamn baffling to me.

Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

Every single word of his theme song, "The Balancer's Eye" by Lord Huron, but all of this: Nothing's waiting for us in the great sky Life is equal to dust in the Balancer's eye Now I know that I can't lift an old curse Tell me, how does a man change the universe? Will I ever be forgiven for the crime of my life? Will it haunt me till I die? To the end of time?

If you met your OC, would the two of you get along?

I think Ven is one of the few characters I can genuinely answer "yes" to this question lmao. Just because Ven is hands down the least judgmental of my OCs, not to mention packing all that charisma, he can literally talk to anyone. Although I probably would just be dead on the floor so it wouldn't be a very interesting conversation.

How does your OC behave when enraged?

We so rarely see Ven angry. Honestly, a bit like Kyrie, Ven has a quiet temper. He's good at restraining himself now, because he knows intimately well just how horrible of a person he can be, so he makes a concerted effort never to let anything get him that upset. Mostly, things don't anger him as much as he may be disappointed or saddened. There is one scene in OST:O I've had planned for years that actually showcases Ven's true anger and it is very much "silent and lethal" lmao.

What character alignment would you consider your OC to be?

Oof, I dunno, somewhere between neutral good and chaotic neutral. Hard to pinpoint lol

What is an alternative life path your OC might have gone done? How different would their life be if they'd made those decisions?

Oh, this one is interesting. I think Ven could have easily continued down the path he started on when he got the sight. That is, had he not been able to pull himself back from that maniacal person he'd become as consequence, he'd be unrecognizable today. That's not to say he isn't already because he absolutely was that person for a moment in time. The Reaper King wasn't just a persona, it was his entire essence. He was ruthless, violent and he did very literally kill dozens (I won't say 100s but it's up there) of people. We like to imagine him as the loving father and perfect husband he is now, but outside of maybe Elsera he's my OC with the highest bodycount. And while in a way you could justify he killed people because "they deserved to die" he was never in the right to pass that judgement. Had he not eventually woken up from that state of trauma and derangement, he'd still be a completely unstable murderous lunatic .-.

What is your favorite thing about your OC?

How hot he is. The end.

[otaku-tactician]

2, 17 and 22 about Gilgamesh and Mori for the character ask 🌝

Hello, thank you very much for the ask! I appreciate this a lot. Hmm, both Gilgamesh and Mori! This will definitely be challenging, so I will have to work off vibes for these two guys as well.

I've written answers for Gilgamesh first and Mori second if thats ok? Thank you!

Gilgamesh Character Asks

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

I think the one Gilgamesh headcanon that I'm the most annoying about is the belief that Gilgamesh doesn't always have lofty goals behind his intentions; and that he can definitely partake in morally gray actions purely for the sake of it sometimes.

This is a VERY unpopular opinion- particularly in the wake of fate works revealing that Gilgamesh often acts as an impenetrable opponent as a means of 'fostering the growth of his people'; but at times I believe Gilgamesh can be a wanton and arbitrary King who does things based off a whim sometimes. Yes, I do understand that Gilgamesh is also an incredibly smart servant- who plans many things in advance, but some of his behaviors do strike me as very uncouth and sadistic, and they're not always for a noble end goal.

I don't believe that all he has done has to be justified. It's okay that Gilgamesh is fucked up. Acceptance and tolerance are two very different things, but I only learnt this recently.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

OOF this is a very hard question, sans for the canonical instrumental songs that are canonically associated with Gilgamesh, there are a few that make me think of him but... I'm trying to remember which ones...

LMAOO FOR SOME REASON THIS SONG RANDOMLY CAME INTO MY HEAD?! (I first heard this song during a Madara AMV for Naruto Shippuden????) This one is heavy metal.

I'm looking over the lyrics, and it's about an absolutely terrifying king of annihilation. Well... I guess there is some relevance, then.

There was also a Nier:Automata song (Song of the Ancients I think) that played in a Gilgamesh fgo gameplay video, so I tend to associate this song with him too:

But I don't really have a personal connection to this song, per se. I admit, I tend not to make playlists for my blorbos sadly. But sometimes I will see a tumblr post and go 'GILGAMESH!!!!'

22. Best Physical Feature

HIS EYES. I could drink in those pools of glistening red forever. My god, what a rich shade of red! Other than that he is handsome.

NEXT UP IS MORI AYYYYY

Mori Nagayoshi Character Ask

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

That there is method to his madness. Mori Nagayoshi may be very blunt and can definitely misread the atmosphere; as well as act in ways that may seem a bit 'dumb'; but deep in my heart, I believe that he is actually very intelligent. There is just something about Mori that screams to me 'he knows more than he lets on'. Maybe this is just me though, as he can appear as a bit dense XD

Maybe this is just me, but beneath all of his chaos and bloodlust, there is a chilling sense of... someone who is making the most out of what hand he's been dealt. He does seem unusually nonchalant about some hard-hitting things, but as I have grown and learnt more about the many ways in which people cope with hardship, I have learnt that this is the way how characters like him cope. They live in the moment, they go wild, they accept the reality... damn, Mori is kind of a mystery to me as well XD

ANOTHER HILL I WILL DIE ON! Sorry, this one is a bit NSFW but!!!! Although Mori is rough and wild I BELIEVE 100% DEEP IN MY HEART that Mori Nagayoshi would be very good to who he is indulging in physical intimacy with! I think he may be clumsy at times but he has the spirit, I believe in him wholeheartedly.

AND A THIRD HILL I WILL DIE ON! I love his rare meek and blushy side when he gets a bit vulnerable. MORI NAGAYOSHI IS CUTE! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HE ISN'T CUTE! HE IS ONE OF THE CUTEST IN FGO!

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

Oh crap omg a poem just came in my head

Amongst the blood-red moon, The lark sings. With spider lilies for veins He bleeds forth a river, A never-ending deluge.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Also a song? To be honest, I don't have any playlists for Mori but this GUDAGUDA fgo ost reminds me of him ^^ Just in a vibes kind of way (I was unable to complete the GUDAGUDA event with him in it, sadly!)

TT-TT It's a very moving and emotional final battle theme, definitely the kind of battle I'd love to take a guy like him to.

22. Best Physical Feature

To me personally, there is no best feature for Mori Nagayoshi. The WHOLE PACKAGE is freaking sexylicious!!!!! Phwoar, Mori Nagayoshi is very beautiful to me personally, from those fiery red locks, to those stunning ochre yellow and red ringed eyes; that bulky build and his massive teeth.

He is very pretty ^^

Thank you for the ask, my answers are completely off the wall in this one

[messydiabolical]

Mass Effect Tag Game

I was tagged by @illusivesoul, thank you! <3 I'll tag in @shadowthehedgehog1 @angstyastro @zet-sway @stormikins @bluerose5 @jtownnn @yellingaboutmasseffect @callista-curations @impishbiscuit @spookyvalentine @skittidyne @jadevakarian But I could be tagging all day so please everyone join in if you'd like and no worries if you don't!

Here's the blank questions, and my answers are below the cut!

I am a fan since: Favourite game of the series?: MShep or FShep?: Earthborn, Colonist or Spacer?: Biotics or Tech: Paragon or Renegade: Favourite Class: Favourite Companion: Least favourite Companion: My squad selection: Favourite In-game romance: Other pairings I like: Favourite NPC: Favourite Antagonist: Favourite Mission: Favourite Loyalty Mission: Favourite DLC: Control, Synthesis or Destroy: Favourite Weapon: Favourite Place: A quote I like:

My answers:

I am a fan since:Legendary Edition release (better late than never!)

Favourite game of the series?:2 wins overall, due to how much I loved learning about the new companions and all their little side quests and the excitement of prepping for the big mission. 3 has the best overall mechanics though, and the npc’s being able to banter is top notch.

MShep or FShep?: Both, but I tend to create themsheps anyway.

Earthborn, Colonist or Spacer?:Keahi is a colonist, Blaise a spacer AU. I think all the backgrounds have juicy potential but find the idea of growing up out there in this big new galaxy exciting. 

Biotics or Tech:Probably tech for my sheps, but I love having a biotic in the squad as backup. I’ll usually have 1 biotic ability as my Shep’s bonus and chalk it up to funky side effects of how they resurrected Shep in 2.

Paragon or Renegade:Generally paragon but some renegade interrupts.

Favourite Class:Infilitrator. Sniper Rifles are always my fave (or archers in fantasy games).

Favourite Companion: Such a tough question. As there’s a romance question later, i’ll save Thane for then. I’m also going to answer as me rather than who my shep’s would pick. I think Mordin is honestly the companion I got most excited about going to chat with or hearing unique lines from. And while not ‘companions’, I have such soft spots for Traynor and Cortez and consider them honourary squaddies.

Least favourite Companion:I mean there are plenty who I think have questionable morals/ideas/attitudes, but it doesn’t make me dislike them, it makes them interesting and gives fresh perspectives, so this is also a tough question. I feel bad for saying it, but I guess Liara? Only in that she gets so much priority in 1 and 3 but I don’t find her as interesting to chat with compared to others and also found her going from nerdy excitable anxious dork in 1 to ‘flay your mind’ corpo bad bitch in 2 gave me whiplash. The fact she sold shep’s body is another point deducted. And the way she let Shepard drop like hot shit in shadowbroker too, oof. I really don’t dislike her though and still find her overall character interesting.

My squad selection:I change it up a lot so I get to hear all the different things they have to say

Favourite In-game romance:Thane, followed by Steve Cortez and Samantha Traynor. Is anyone surprised?!

Other pairings I like:Feron x Kolyat, Thane X Cortez (why romance them separately when I can put them together instead!) Femshep x Miranda. I tend to headcanon my shep’s as older than the in game age so Jack feels too young for them, but I do love the Jack romance generally. 

Favourite NPC:That one completely chill smoking salarian in the citadel DLC. Dandenbo’s icon always makes me grin reminding me of him. Also the salarian Thane rescued who had his whole world rocked and wrote an email about it. You go you funky little horny guy.

Favourite Antagonist:TIM is interesting because you get that having to work together and resenting the hell out of it aspect in 2. And look he’s by no means an effective antagonist, but Donovan Hock is objectively very funny.

Favourite Mission:The suicide mission. It isn’t the best mechanically, but it’s very satisfying after working towards it the whole game and getting yourself as ready as can be.

Favourite Loyalty Mission:Thane, i’m biased. Grunt’s rite of passage is also just fun.

Favourite DLC:I’ll go with 1 from each game. Bring down the sky- I just find something pretty satisfying about pootling around shutting the 3 rockets off and finding all the little out the way side bits. And that view! Lair of the Shadowbroker- Feron my beloved. Gotta save my boy. Leviathan- felt like a breath of fresh air with the piecing together clues, and such a great creepy atmosphere. You really finish it feeling like ‘this may help, but at what cost?’ and it feels significant.

Control, Synthesis or Destroy:So funny story, I got so confused the first time I played and kind of panicked, completely missed that you could choose to run a different direction and just ran full pelt forwards yeeting shepard to the centre. When that activated synthesis I spent the next 40 odd minutes watching my computer in growing utter horror/confusion. Anyway destruction is the actual choice but fuck that whole ‘this has to genocide the geth and Edi’ thing fuuuuuck.

Favourite Weapon:Upgrading to the widow is nice but I am quite fond of the M-97 Viper in earlier/lower levels, the 6 shot mag is especially favourable.

Favourite Place:I really love the brutalist architecture of Port Hanshan.

A quote I like:

I dare to assume you ignorant jackasses know that space is empty. Once you fire this hunk of metal, it keeps going til it hits something. That can be a ship, or the planet behind that ship. It might go off into space and hit somebody in 10,000 years. If you pull the trigger on this, you are ruining someone’s day, somewhere and sometime!

[pancake-breakfast]

I've lost track of what migraine day I'm on, but Trigun Book Club persists and so shall I.

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 13, Chapters 4-6 below.

Chapter 4: Black

Voiceover Narration: Little did Livio know, but both the hat and the cape provided him with a +10 bonus to strength in addition to the moral boost. Someday, he would open up the stat screen for both and discover this, and then he would weep grateful tears that those who had so little gave him so much.

Oh, Elendira's got her own stat boost outfit, I guess.

I love how much tone she has in her voice. Between her body language and the translation, she's just a very easy character to hear in your head.

Ok, this panel is badass.

Ooh, she actually landed a hit on him. Hasn't done that in a bit.

Why's she sizzling? Is it because she's on fire right now?

(Also, she might be in full badass mode, but goshdarnit, she better not seriously injure my Livio. He's important to me and needs to live!)

Aaaand we're back to Legato's monstrosity.

Dude. He has to save some for fighting Knives, dummy. He's not Gojo utilizing Limitless and being able to just go forever. He's going through his Last Run. There's a hard stop to his power and it's coming up quick.

Hahahahaha, these poor guards. Space ships are, like, history bordering on mythology nowadays. They'd be more mythological if their bones weren't scattered across the planet. Seeing an actual functioning one that came from actual space would be quite something.

That's RIGHT, Luida's the one in charge!

Vance? As in advance? I mean, I know it's an actual name, but it's not a very common one and Nightow really seems to like just making names up, anyway....

Ok, so... Knives has always been a bit OP, but what I'm gathering from the Earth Fleet presentation is that this is a bit ridiculous even by the standards of a culture used to Plants.

Ok, I already have questions about how they know about any particular individual. I'm guessing they gleaned a lot of relevant information out of the remnants of Domina, but yeah.

Goshdarn, of course they were hoping to find Vash....

Dramatic Legato pose!

Man, why'd he get so sweaty all of a sudden? That can't be comfortable.

Awww, Legato's little toy got wrecked. TBH, that looks more like Knives' work than Vash's... but that's only because it's hard to tell the curvature of the cut. Knives tends to do straight cuts while Vash destroys things in orbs.

Ugh, Vash might look badass, but he does not look good. Someone get him a sports drink or something to perk him up. Do Plants love electrolytes in this world?

I wonder who the other two were. Knives and pre-bagworm Legato?

Uh, oh. Guess who's back. You done threatened Livio too much, Elendira.

Chapter 5: Battle of the Mystics

Yeah, Raz doesn't fuck around....

It's weird seeing Raz with short hair. Like, Livio with short hair? Not as cool as if he'd cleaned it up but kept it long, but it was so uneven I get it. Raz with long hair and that undercut? Good for his level of chaos. Short-haired Raz? Just feels too restrained for him.

"Some dumbasses," huh? That's a rude (but perhaps not inaccurate) way to refer to Wolfwood and Vash.

I do appreciate how much more intense and unhinged Raz is compared to Livio. Even Elendira seems a bit taken aback by the mood switch in her opponent.

Oh, that's right. He's used to wielding full-out punishers rather than the double-fangs.

He's gonna burn through ammo so fast using them like that. It's a good thing the guns in this series have ammo in plot amounts.

LOL, Elendira is already sick of Razlo's shit.

Uh. That's a lot of nails. I don't like this. She's being mean to my boy.

Oh, gods. I'm not sure even he can survive this.

OH GOOD IT WASN'T REAL. Dammit, Nightow. Don't scare me like that.

Oof, he's still not in good shape. :/

Chapter 6: Tag-In A Person

I feel like... Livo and Razlo are gonna tag-team this fight somehow....

Mmm, seems like Raz can't deal with Elendira's bloodlust.

Elendira! He needed that leg!

Oof, tiny Wolfwood memory....

The way Elendira says this makes me think she has some experience being on the receiving end of this herself.

Look at him. Pumped full of nails again, but still going. He's a freaking machine.

Ok, I love how Nightow has used the dialog bubble to let us know that Livio is back in control here. It's a small thing, but excellent use of the medium.

I love this conversation between Livio and Razlo. It's Livio making peace with himself, with him recognizing his alter and... sort of validating Razlo's existence, I guess? That Razlo is him and isn't him, and that's ok, and they are part of a tandem structure?

Oooh, are they both fronting? Or... like... Livio's fronting, but Razlo's kinda there, too. I'm not sure how much that works with DID, but it's interesting from a narrative perspective.

Again, wonderful bit of paneling here.

Hahahaha, he didn't even bother to remove the nails. I realize this is a way of telling us that someone is a badass, but... like... having holes in your muscles and/or tendons seriously mucks with your range of motion. If you have a healing factor, get that shit out of the way so it can kick in. Otherwise, you're limiting yourself pretty severely. Like, he shouldn't be able to stretch out to his full wingspan with stuff popping through his back like that. Ok, I'll stop. I know I shouldn't expect realistic anatomical consequences in this series.

Wait, where's Vash? I'm worried about babygirl....

Heheheheh, backwards-firing gun trick shot. Again.

Oh, this is lovely. He's fighting right now with a balance neither side of him generally displays.

Ooh, he got a solid hit on her.

Heheheheheh, mind Razlo still has the mohawk. As he should.

Elendira's got her priorities straight. Kill first, ask questions later.

There's something very satisfying (and maybe very important) about Livio praising Razlo. Not just leaning on him when he's afraid, but honoring Razlo's skill and technique and complimenting him on it. Raz wanted so bad to be needed and to be praised, and now he's getting the praise from probably the person he needed it from the most.

Wait. Wait, is Razlo going somewhere??

What's coming next that's so bad that Raz isn't sure he can keep up with it??

Archive

Trigun Vol. 1: Covers + 1-3, 4, 5-6, 7-8, 9-10 || Vol. 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Vol. 1: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Vol. 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7 || Vol. 4: Covers + 1-2, 3-5, 6-7 || Vol. 5: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 6: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 7: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 8: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5 + Bonus || Vol. 9: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 10: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-8 || Vol. 11: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 12: Covers + 1-3, 4-6, 7-9 || Vol. 13: Covers + 1-3

Extra Credit: Trigun Vol. 1: Nebraska vs. Vash's Motivations, Vash's Loneliness, Vash's Depression (pt. 2 of post), Soupy Brains || Vol. 2: Coin Factoids || TriMax Vol. 1: Lina, Vash, and a Haircut || Meryl, Vash, and the Pursuit of Happiness || Vol. 5: Knives, Vash, and Hatred for Humanity || Vol. 6: Coping Series: Wolfwood, Meryl, Vash || Vol. 8: The Uncoordinated Counterattack || Vol. 9: Justice, Punishment, and Mercy, The Tolling of an Iron Bell || Vol. 10: Crucifixion Symbology (pt. 2 of post), Merging of Families, Being Childlike (And Why God Hates Chapel) || Vol. 11: New Hair, New Outlook

[butmakeitgayblog]

what do you think of linctavia? they seem cute but wasn’t octavia 16/17 and lincoln like… 25 if we’re being generous 😭

😬

Oof. Um. Ok well. I'm gonna hate on this probably but uhhhh, yyyeah I've always thought they were... how can I say this gently.... They were gross

Hear me out!

They were cute together, and overall I loved Lincoln's character. I did and still do and that's why he'll always be a teddy bear in any fics he shows up in. And yes, I can understand why some people genuinely liked them together. But if we remove the shipper goggles? Bruh. He was a 25yo (according to what I can find) grown ass man pursuing a 16yo child. Be so honest c'mon. And, arguably an incredibly important factor here, not only was Octavia 16, but she was a naive and sheltered 16. She'd spent her entire life up until those few weeks on the ground living under the floorboards ffs. Her entire existence was soley based around Bellfuck and their mother. She had no life experience, no real practical learned common sense, no social education. She was, by all perimeters, a child. That's not to say someone of a similar age who wasn't as sheltered is somehow more adult or anything, but there is a naïveté factor even beyond the morality of it. I realize theloo did everything they could to try and downplay that and negate it by magically making Octavia this wordly and spunky ~fast learner~ (so you're saying she's just - what? ,,, mature for her age? Is that what you were saying, Jason?🤨🧐 that man needs to answer for his crimes), but baby if it quacks like a duck it's a gd duck

So I mean, if I'm being totally honest, yeah it was gross 🤷‍♀️ if we're gonna sit here and criticize Bellfart for sleeping with underage girls then ya gotta hold the same energy for Lincoln who arguably stepped over that line every bit as much. Just because it was one girl vs several doesn't change that. Like this man was old enough to rent a car. Dude had a Grounder 401k plan and was dating the equivalent to a sophomore/junior in high school. We have to be fr here. In any other context there wouldn't be a question.

All that said, they were cute together and the actors did a good job of giving them chemistry and making the couple one that felt real, so there is that at least

[acoldsovereign]

I see Eren...

I have a question as a humble anon. Im curious but, how do you feel about him as a character? And how AOT ended? I feel like your answer will be fun to hear. :) I had mixed feelings but idk. Seeing him made go "oh no" because like, I forgot the existed, lol sorry but also because of all the infighting that happened in the fandom. So I was wondering if you had any thoughts?

*ignore my typos if there's any

SUBJECT MATTER: OOC talks / fandoms // sender: anonymous // status--always open!

{{ Oof. Okay, so--I think I'm not the best person to ask about this because when THAT happened in the fandom, I was highly confused as to why people hated it. I legit didn't understand. I had to go back and re-read the manga and I still didn't understand why people were pissed? But looking back on it, I can see it. Before I continue on that point, I'll answer you:

I adore Eren. He's my poor little meow meow. My smol angry husbando. He's a complex, traumatized, aggressive, violent fucker. I love him. Many of my current muses are on the spectrum of 'ready for violence for whatever reason'. I think it's okay to like him. Folks don't owe you a ten page essay rife with sources as to why they like or don't like a character. Moral judgements shouldn't be made about what piece of fiction someone engages with; you're not their parent and shaming isn't cool, whether you're fine with what they like or not. Very rarely will you change their mind, and instead of blocking them/moving on, you're just making yourself upset/creating an unsafe/unwelcomed environment from those who think and engage with the source material differently from you. Putting the rest under a read more because spoiler territory.

With that said, the ending was fine--I quite liked it! It's tragic and sad for sure, but I had no illusions about Attack on Titan ending horrifically. It's a dark fantasy story that began with what's left of humanity defending itself from flesh-eating monsters picking them off one by one. If . . . you thought a story like that would have a happy ending (or would have romance in it--a complaint I saw in many, many places), I have to ask why. Why is that where your mind is when there's death and destruction on every page? Then the plot twist--Titans are actually people, and they were created and planted in strategic places around the world because of [REDACTED FOR SPOILERS]. It's so fucked. You'd be lucky if your favorite character survived to the END. (Which, didn't happen for me. As I said, Eren gets love around here because I adore how layered he is. I did mourn another character who died earlier, though. And Eren's response to her fate broke my heart; yet another thing the fandom twisted around and made into something it's not). Point is--there is no real 'moral lesson' to AOT. It's a dark story made to entertain. The theme is "senseless violence begets senseless violence". It's funny because I was talking about this recently with the Eren I write with (@scarlxtleaves). Isayama himself in many interviews stated he just made it because he wanted to. Many times he was pressed for an answer and that's what he kept saying. There was one interview I remember where he did give a 'proper' answer (a generic answer about hope/optimism/determination, I think? Don't quote me on that), but it was because he was pressed for one--as if people couldn't just take him at his word. It's a bit sad, honestly. Not everything needs to be so deep--which brings me back to the fandom.

I think many people took the ending out of context, Eren out of context and used the manga as a way to attack Isayama. Many people were upset their ships didn't happen, some felt betrayed that Eren turned out be the ultimate villain/antagonist, some even went as far to send him hate mail, tell him his manga was horrible, that he should d*e, etc etc. Again, in hindsight, I understand all of this. I got whiplash too. 😂 I was like "for real??????? Y'all deadass rn???? Someone say SIKE" but nope, that's who he was--which encouraged me to reread and rewatch EVERYTHING. It all clicked and I went "how the hell did we not see this?!" 😭 So yeah, I get that Eren doing the Rumbling is extreme--but that's the point, he's BEEN that extreme since chapter and episode 1. We just didn't pay attention and thought he was bluffing. That's not the character's fault. And it doesn't mean he's written badly. He's not.

We just thought he wasn't gonna stand on business. Eren Yeager stood on that shit, 10 toes down. Genocide IS extreme (it always is, no doubt about it--and I'm not a fan of those who call Eren fans/appreciators genocide apologists because whoa??? Buddy, it's not that serious???? Again, we're not in school, we're not getting tested for morality or what have you, please take a chill pill. You're NOT getting a medal for being more moral or 'gooder' of a human than me because of . . . what character I like??????), but I get it. Don't blindly cheer him on but also: AOT Earth is NOT equivalent with our Earth. The cast is dealing with abnormal situations that we don't (people turning into giant weapons/human eating monsters, a government conspiracy to continue using SAID monsters, a even more secret plan by multiple world governments/nations to wipe out a defenseless island of people who have NO direct connection with the vile Empire that spawned them, etc etc). So if you're gonna put Eren on a crucifix, put the Marleyan government on that shit first. They LITERALLY are the reason why Eren's mom (and many innocent people) died/became mindless killers (the Titans), which made him want to kill them all in the first place. Put Grisha Yeager on that shit too, because he was a deadbeat ass father who ONLY had Eren just to pass on the Attack and Founding Titans BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD HIM TO. He's the same thing as Gaara's father from Naruto. Same reasons why they had their youngest sons. EXACT SAME. Unlike Rasa, Grisha never apologized to Eren. Not once for bringing him into such a cruel world, not once for forcing the Titan serum on him, not EVEN for SHORTENING HIS LIFESPAN (Eren would die at 23 or until someone else killed/ate him for his Titan powers), none of it. Annie, Reiner, Berthold--they BROKE. The wall. And allowed the Smiling Titan in--the same one that ate Eren's. Mom. Like, c'mon now!

[tea-earl-grey]

Top five transporter mishaps?

from this ask thing

oooh good question. some of these answers are more directly about the transporter accidents and others are more based on the episode they're in

various mirroverse crossovers (Mirror, Mirror; various ds9 episodes). there's almost no actual explanation for *why* someone transporting could accidentally end up in the Evil Universe but the fact that it happens (in ds9 somewhat regularly) is incredibly funny. they gave us so much fodder for fanfiction (in fact let's have characters transport into other universes too! it doesn't always have to be the evil sexy universe!)

Picard, Guinan, Ro, & Keiko being de-aged into children when they transported in Rascals. listen. i love some hijinks. like i can recognize that there are many good insightful and meaningful trek episodes but at the end of the day, my favorite trek is when Shenanigans happen and Rascals is peak shenanigans

transporter clone (from Second Chances/one of the Lower Decks episodes that i can't remember rn). honestly it's shocking that star trek didn't manage to do a "surprise clone" episode until late tng s6. but really i think it sticks with me more because of the Lower Decks arc about Boimler getting a transporter clone who's just wildly better at his job and established that this is just a thing that happens somewhat regularly now? okay sure that sounds about right.

Boimler getting just really loud and sparkly in Much Ado About Boimler (and the various results of transporter accidents we see throughout the episode). there are so many catastrophically bad or extremely weird things that happen in the transporter that it's honestly just refreshing to have a moderately annoying but not dangerous accident that no one even blinks twice about.

sigh.... Tuvix. like i can't say anything about Tuvix that hasn't been said before but frankly i think it's a great episode and actually succeeds in creating a *good* ethical dilemma where there is no answer and we're forced to confront morality. like damn i wish it had more consequences for Voyager as a whole or that the episode had a true resolution but i think it's one of the best early Voyager episodes. ...unfortunately because some trek fans are Like That and also misogyny, this has become fodder for the classic "Janeway is a bad captain" arguments which. oof. i'm all for discussing Janeway's morality and leadership especially in this episode because making complicated choices makes her a great character however the 25 years of misogyny makes some of those conversations unpalatable. aside from the episode itself, the idea of having two diametric characters merge into a new person is a great idea and i actually think we should tuvix more characters for fun.

anyways thanks for the ask!!!

[raitobie]

Why I self ship with Light Yagami

*.·:·.✧ ∘°∘♡∘°∘ ✧.·:·.*

I started writing a post and my tendency to be incredibly long winded about Death Note took over, as it does.

Instead of just leaving it in my drafts as per usual however, I decided that I will do what I see others do and add a post index to either my carrd or eventual proper pinned post I should’ve made a long time ago, oof. This will be a part of a FAQ type section maybe as it’s been a question I’ve gotten enough times to answer.

“hOw CoUlD yOu LoVe a MaSs MuRdErEr yOu kNoW hE wOuLd KiLL yOu RiGhT��� and the such which I just 🤦🏾‍♀️ I address that below the cut LMAO but some people are also just curious about my thoughts and feelings too, so if you are as well. Or just want to read something…here ya go 💀 I am an intense person, but I do not apologize for this.

I do however apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors, I did as best as I could. 🥲 I’ll probably keep editing it to my liking after I post it.

I have a few reasons really, but the main and important reason I self ship (with Light in particular) is that I think Death Note tells an incredibly interesting story about what it’s like to be human and uses the supernatural to expose human behaviour and the human experience.

And it’s so fascinating to me that Light can both have genuine love and passion in his heart (for his family and society in canon), but also be wicked and diabolical all in a confusing, contradictory attempt to grapple with his own sense of self. It’s so relatable yet a rare and bizarre, disturbing spectacle that isn’t really observable to the extent that death note allows for it to be in real life.

I want it explored, I want his brilliant concept of a character and story to be appreciated, dissected and influence story telling and the creativity of others like it’s done for me because Death Note is so unique and rare and such an iconic staple of pop culture and media.

Yet too often, I see that people’s disgust and discomfort with his actions and choices while rightful cause them to distance themselves from his nuance and complexity as a character as a moral stance. People don’t want to empathize with him lest they excuse and downplay what he’s done. Or, they empathize with him entirely because they recognize the good in him but can’t reconcile it with the bad.

I simply see Light as a whole person with good and bad and a lot of well placed duality with all his traits, whether it’s confidence and insecurity, compassion and belittling, etc. I also see him as initially a very blank slate/default idea that can swing in so many directions with influence from environment, relationships and circumstance, and Death Note canon is just only one of those hypothetical paths and could’ve went so differently with smaller shifts in the plot.

And because of this, it’s necessary that many things have to be true about him all at once. And that makes him so interesting to me. He’s a character I’d love to talk to and get to know even about the littlest mundane things because they shape him in such a way that leaves for so many possibilities complimentary to his main prospects.

So I instantly get cancer when people chalk him up as being inherently evil and narcissistic/psychopathic/sociopathic which is not only a very crappy depiction of those disorders, but just isn’t even true at all. His actions and choices make so much sense with all context and details involved considered, and it’s so much more complicated than mental health diagnoses that Light doesn’t even meet the true criteria for. He deserves so much better analysis and interpretation as a character than to just get that label slapped on him and call it a day.

I’d argue that his longevity as a popular character for well over a decade is very much because he’s inherently complex and he’s perfect for examining closer, and it’s so much fun and natural to want to fill in the blanks based on inferring from the text and piecing together what kind of person Light Yagami has to be to cause as much chaos and cultural shift as he does.

I say all this to say I self ship specifically with Light because I love Light and I love all of him. And one particular thing that is undoubtedly a part of him but gets retconned out of how he’s portrayed by fandom and even some of the official adaptations is that he himself very much does love others, and when he does, he loves them very deeply.

Not only that, but he’s very capable of loving women in particular with the right opportunities and circumstances to connect with one, in which lack thereof is really the only concrete reason he can’t and doesn’t in canon. Not intense and deep misogyny. He does not demonstrate any hate for women by right of their gender, he just treats women badly and is distant from them in canon due to yes, necessity in context and priority. He manipulates with what he knows to be true and likely about particular men and women alike, and Ohba’s sexist ideology influences this and happens to pigeonhole the women Light interacts with into these ideas.

I don’t agree that he’s not sexually attracted to women at all, either. I personally think he takes too much pride, care and attention in his popularity with them to not appreciate them in that way at all. I just more see it as a valid explanation that he takes his attractiveness for granted and discipline, pride and a need for healthy emotional connection as a prerequisite for deeper feelings and attraction (I headcanon/view him as demisexual) play a very big part in his indifference. Being that he has no true healthy close bonds with anyone aside from his sister in canon, it makes perfect sense that he doesn’t love any of the women he’s romantically involved with.

And this particular side of him is never explored well or positively at all in anything I’ve read concerning him, even though I think there’s a lot of interesting elements to explore to make the scenario of him being in a healthy relationship happen. But it’s very possible for him, and I want to explore EVERY possibility for him. This is just territory that’s gone long and very largely uncharted with no full regards and consideration of who he is, so I’m going there for my own appreciation and respect of his depth.

And because Light always puts on a mask as to hide how he really thinks and feels and has never been loved and accepted wholly for his good and bad even by himself, I imagine he’d feel very loved and touched if he could know how I felt about him and would experience some of those feelings back. And I love that for him and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

So alas, that’s how I got here. I think he’s fascinating as a person and a very sweet and admirable person deep down, and I want to be as close to him as possible to experience who he is and nurture and appreciate that. I’m sorry for what he became and I see all of him enough to want to love him as well as I can and give him another path to take. This is all my creative outlet for that. A lot more details could be discussed here, but I’ve got to take it easy at some point lol.

[bisamwilson]

hey dear!! 9, 12 and 18 for the choose violence ask game 💖

hello dear! thanks for the ask <3 (from this list)

9. worst part of canon

sam continually getting sidelined in the mcu. his story got pushed aside a hell of a lot for bucky's storyline in tfatws (and some of the writing to resolve what we did get of sam's story... oof) and now he's barely in any other projects and we get so little news of him. avengers con in ms marvel had like 2 or 3 different uso show girls but no captain america sam wilson????? seriously???? not to mention the fact that cap4 seems to just be a hulk movie with sam added in. it only ever gets more frustrating with each piece of news or each little scrap of sam they give us

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

at least in a lot of the circles i'm in people hate peggy so i'm doing peggy. i know she's popular elsewhere but i so rarely see peggy love so here we go

peggy's a complicated character. she's tough and she's clever and she's strong and she's bullheaded and she's done horrible things bc she thought it furthered her end goal, and people hate on her for the latter, which i do understand, but like. it's no different from a lot of the characters people love that did something similar? tony made a robot that tried to destroy the earth bc he thought it was gonna be beneficial. nick fury actively authorized and participated in building a program that could eliminate anyone deemed a threat from space at the push of a button, because he thought that's what was needed for national security/safety. peggy fucked up, sure, but it's not like she didn't do a lot of good as well.

she's more than handy in a fight. she disobeyed direct orders to help steve go to azzano and rescue bucky and the rest of the 107th. she was an important part of mission planning for the howling commandos, to the point that we see all the commandos that are left by the time agent carter happens respect her as a leader. she willingly drops the last bit of steve's blood, which is one of very few things she has left of him, into the water because she knows it could be used for horrible things, even though it killed her to do it. she disobeys orders again to try and clear howard stark's name, and doesn't give up until his name has been cleared. she gave us the absolutely fantastic line "i know my value. anyone else's opinion doesn't really matter"

i just think peggy's a genuinely interesting, morally complicated character whose flaws people would celebrate as being interestingly morally gray or whatever if she wasn't a woman in the middle of a favored white man ship is all. and i think she's more than what people make her out to be

(also her and steve knew each other for two years, which is practically a lifetime in wwii, before steve went into the ice. stop making the "left for a girl he knew for two weeks" jokes. they're inaccurate and they discount a very important relationship steve had during the war, even if you don't think he and peggy would last based on the experiences steve had in modern times)

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

sarah wilson! i wish i saw more content made of her, and i want to see more fics where she's not just sam or bucky's voice of reason, and she gets to have her own storylines, or just gets to have fun with her brother/brother-in-law

send me a # and i'll answer the question from the "choose violence" ask list!

[altaneenarts]

Tag game from @amoxilwrites

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

10 all for DSMP

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

162,320 (oml that's a lot)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just DSMP rn

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) in the doorway with you a zombie!george dnf fic based on mushie's apocalypse AU

2) perpetuam memoriam king!george/assassin!dream au

3) The Divine Right DSMP canon-divergent platonic dnf fic where c!George rescues c!Dream with the help of DreamXD (this action has consequences)

4) the crown, the shadow the prequel to "perpetuam memorial"

5) Communion a sequel to "in the doorway with you"

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I love answering comments especially if a reader has a question. I'm happy to talk about my fics or characterizations with others. I've made some good friends this way :)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm well I'd say some of the ones I'm writing now have angstier endings, but of those I have published it's probably "The Divine Right" simply because of how long the fic is. (SPOILERS) It's about losing what you thought you had regained and coming to grips with the truth that the person you knew is no longer what they once were.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The End post DSMP finale fic where DreamXD saves c!George from the nuke

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope. I have yet to get any real hate comments lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

So far, no. I've written short snippets of hypothetical scenarios which @amoxilwrites has enjoyed lol. But if I ever publish any, it'll be very character/plot driven. I want the smut to have meaning and give a look inside who the characters are or progress the story somehow—I just find it more engaging that way.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yes, back on an old account for the Hannigram fandom.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship

Oof of all time? As much as I love DNF, nothing will compare to Destiel (sorry gamers lol)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Hmm now that depends on what you consider a wip XD I have many planned/brainstormed but of the ones I've actually started writing I think I can finish them all, it'll just take a long while.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Atmosphere/description (I love setting the tone), metaphors, and dialogue

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I can't write pure fluff/happiness for the life of me. I can only write happiness in the contrast of sadness. I also struggle with modern settings as my dialogue tends to lean towards poeticness more than realism. Too many metaphors. Whenever I edit, I always try to cut down my metaphors to one at a time instead of a bunch of wordiness that'll tire out a reader.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done it with Enokian from Supernatural which was very painful given that it's not a complete language and the translators that exist aren't always accurate. So it was a lot of coming up with multiple ways to say a sentence until one was translatable. I also translate Latin pretty often (even now for "perpetuam memoriam") I'll never claim that it's accurate but I do often double check what I want to say through multiple translators before the final draft.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically Harry Potter, but I first posted fics for Supernatural

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I'm really happy with how "perpetuam memoriam" is going so far but of those that are complete I'd say "Communion". I really enjoy capturing a morally grey character whose logic is different from the norm in order to rationalize their life; how they can be vicious and kind.

oh gosh i feel like a dsmpblr noobie what other writers do i know well enough to tag *sweats* I think I'll just leave this open to whoever wants to join :D that way I can get to know yall better and can tag you next time lol

[rappaccini]

🔪 tua please?

send me send me 🔪 + a fandom and i’ll tell you which character i hate and would sell to satan for one corn chip

sloane. as of s3 it's gotta be her.

lila pitts was very much created to take vanya's place in the plot after the writers decided to reduce elliot page to the token queer, but at least ritu arya gave a great performance as the white violin we should've had, and lila had some interesting qualities and could've fit into the story as her own character after retooling. plus her s3 diego's-baby-incubator storyline was so astonishingly sexist that i actually feel sorry for her at this point. like, imagine being ritu arya, spending s2 being technically the female lead, getting the best and craziest action/romantic/dramatic scenes, and you open up the s3 scripts to learn you are now… the Pregnant Girlfriend who spends ten episodes wandering after the guy you’ve been with for one week trying to convince him that a little white boy is your biological child. oof.

sloane? was made exclusively to break up allison and luther's relationship, by being the foil to allison in the most sexist way possible.

by this i mean (expanding a lot from this)

allison's bitter and traumatized and has a nasty temper, so sloane is sweet, innocent and can't get mad no matter what!

allison's power can be frightening and get her into dodgy moral situations, but sloane's just makes her float prettily. sloane doesn't have the ability to control luther, or anyone else. he'll always be in control of her! see, there's no potentially ambiguous morality here! just a nice thing to look at!

allison stands up to luther when he makes poor judgment calls, and is in charge of how their relationship progresses, so sloane is totally submissive, never questions him, and lets him make all the moves, even when he's being an idiot

allison is black (you know damn well that one of the big reasons alluther never caught on, and why s1-era fandom kept insisting that luther was secretly abusing and dominating allison/that she was secretly manipulating him, is that it's an interracial ship between a black woman and a white man. you know that's a factor in why people instantly went gaga over raymond. you know that if allison had been played by a white woman the reception to alluther would've been different) and sloane is just ambiguous enough to make sure the fandom doesn't hate sluther for being interracial--- and also so the writers have plausible deniability for how racist they're being by turning allison into a hysterical, sexually aggressive, irrational angry black woman stereotype in s3 right as they make her one of the season villains and then immediately replacing her with a blonde white-passing woman with no indicators that she's latina beyond being played by a white-passing latina actress. and this character is apparently Luther's True Love and a True Member Of The Umbrella Academy even though sloane has known them for three days and allison has been with them for thirty years.

allison is a twice-married divorcee with a child by another man who engages in intimacy with luther extremely slowly and only ever when she gives him the go-ahead and then suddenly in s3 decides to try to rape him, and sloane is an innocent virgin who's never been in a relationship or been kissed... and then does nothing but give luther sex for the three-day duration of their relationship. she's literally a sexy virgin.

right as allison gets a hackjob haircut and starts running around in the same depression wardrobe all season, sloane appears with a full blowout, short schoolgirl skirts, midriff-baring tops, revealing workout gear and tight leather outfits. yes, this is the closest thing to a nitpick, but given everything else, it feels significant. 'why would you want to be interested in frumpy allison, when sloane's so put-together and appealing?'

allison is active in the plot and goes investigating when she can't get an answer/is 'nosy,' and sloane never questions anything! she never tries to participate in the plot, even when the world is ending or members of her family who she supposedly loves are dying. she doesn't even try to get to the bottom of why her future husband's longtime love who he only 'broke up' with three days ago is sitting front row at their wedding with a funny look on her face and something has obviously happened between them. sloane would never try to be anything other than luther's love interest. she knows her place. sloane stays at home, so when luther wants sex she'll be right there to give it to him!

allison goes to luther for advice on how to deal with her worries and problems and seeks comfort in him, and sloane would never worry luther with her issues! what issues could she possibly have? existential terror about the apocalypse? trauma from a lifetime in a doomsday cult vigilante team? insecurity about wanting to leave the only life she's ever known? worries about her teammates going missing or dying? of course not! she's just here for him and his problems!

not only is sloane just a hollow shell of a male fantasy, but she was made specifically to be cast in a good light right as allison is demonized, in order to make allison look even worse in comparison. in the same way that lila is vanya's straighter, sexier replacement, sloane exists to be allison's purer, sweeter, more submissive replacement. but the lila-vanya dichotomy can only be derived from knowing the comic canon and the way the fandom influenced the writers. the sloane-allison dichotomy is literally in the season as canon. the writers decided to make allison's character assassination into a team sport by pitting alluther against sluther in the most unnecessary canon love triangle yet, but wanted the audience to choose team sloane so badly that they set allison up to fail at every opportunity.

(not to mention the character assassination of luther. in seasons 1 and 2, luther was unquestionably deeply in love with allison, quietly waiting for her for decades, didn't judge her for her sexual relationships and children with other men OR her shitty behavior unrelated to romance/sex, valued her opinions and insights, comforted her in her moments of vulnerability, wanted to be a part of claire's life but only on allison's terms, helped her accomplish her goals and let her set the tone of how far the relationship would go. the one time he oversteps is when he locks vanya up, but given that from his perspective, vanya and her serial killer boyfriend just slit the love of his life's throat and left her to die alone, it's very understandable.

then suddenly in s3 he's retconned into this shallow ~himbo~ idiot who only ever saw allison as an object to project a fantasy of playing house with a beautiful sexually available hargreeves woman with [... if he had that ring since the moon, then he was saving it for allison], and the second allison gets frumpy and is in a state of severe distress, he suddenly throws her aside for a stranger who he insists is his Perfect Match on the basis of... what? being sheltered and nice, having powers, and being sexy?)

(...and the narrative backs him up. it frames all his scenes with sloane as True Love instead of shallow infatuation, their marriage as Genuine and Sweet instead of cartoonishly stupid, and it has the whole family welcome sloane with open arms-- and the discarding of allison after years of them being accepted as a couple-- instead of looking at the relationship like 'what the fuck are you doing'.)

yes, i can pretty much immediately see a better role sloane could've had in the story, but the way her existence is looped in with the assassination of allison's character (and luther's) and her relationship with luther is too much for me. and unlike lila, her character and the actress's performance present no immediate interesting ideas or missed potential. making sloane work doesn't just mean retooling her character-- it means completely changing season 3's plot and all the character dynamics. the reason for the character's existence, the lack of depth, the endemic sexism in every aspect of her characterization and the mountain of work required to fix this mess makes her the worst to me.

as a dear friend once said, i would pay satan to take her.

[storiesofsvu]

happy thursday fuckers... you know whats up

Here we go… backwards viewing. We starting with OC. Let’s see if I give two fuck about whats going on…

That therapist looked and sounded super familiar… where do I know him from? Was he fins rope guy? Brb…ugh… its not on imdb yet… *sigh*

Not me looking like a clown reading the opening credits of all THREE shows for guest stars waiting for my fave to pop back up…

I JUST realized that when I was TRYING to fucking watch the last episode on citytv the app/site kept glitching and freezing and I never finished it… that’s why I have NO idea whats going on LOLOL

This show would be so much better without Elliot… also If they gave Ayanna her wife back..

I literally like every detective on this show except for Elliot.

Jamie’s bomb. Also hot. 10/10 would bang

Welp. Okay. That felt over quick yet also took 5 hours to get through this damn episode.

Onto mothership;

Yeah fuck this guy… you’re in nyc… you’re gonna step in some shit. I want to punch you.

“morales” are you kidding me? Can we stop reusing names of recurring characters?? I get, diff show but still same universe.

I would prefer this show if it was just Mechad & Odelya… OH and Kate.

Completely unrelated; someone pls remind me to put together a grocery list/meal prep list of things super easy so I stop ordering fucking delivery. I need to get that shit together.

Mechad just *yelled* and I *felt things* jfc

What TF is senator paley doing here?! Where is keane to spit in his face. Get this man off my tv pls.

Ugh fuck this asshat. This is horrible. But also… we’ve done this storyline in older episodes… alex & casey have both gotten people out of ICE. Cmon sam… where was your paperwork…

OOF she brought her big balls to this… hello m’am

FUCK defence attorneys who attack the character of a prime witness just because they’re there illegally. Like, fuck off, you had her detained in the first place.

Wow okay, fucking heartbreaking ending, way to just hurt Sam.. baby.. is okay… I will cuddle you back to happiness.

FINALLY, okay here we go svu. Ive heard some interesting things about the ep… let’s see

I don’t know if I’m ready for this…

DID WE REALLY HAVE TO REVISIT THE ROLIVIA GOODBYE?!?! AS IF I HAVE NOT SOBBED OVER IT ENOUGH!??

DID SHE LEAVE THE FUCKING CHIPMUNK?? WTF?? IVE HAD SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT IT FOR YEARS

Ugh…. The fin amanda dynamic was always such a fucking good one… I will miss them

Okay I d love that Duarte still watches out for/hangs out with muncy

Who… once again is wearing plaid… like the queer she is…

When is mcgrath gonna fucking meet his rotten end… I need him gone…

Oh THANK GOD noah doesn’t fully witness this?? I was so concerned.

Somehow… that wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be? And I KNOW this is probably leading up to other shit that certain fans really want to see, but like, can we give olivia a damn break please? *eyeroll*

Also it’s just plain pathetic to only have two detectives. Like… I know molly replaced kelli, but we really still need another one… OR make the ada a more prominent feature, add in huang/a shrink, the ME, make there be more of a larger rotating cast like s8/9….

Omg fin lololol

“you have a visitor…” andits FUCKING MCGRATH ugh what a way to make things worse…

Okay… m’am… you were doing so well this season, and now we’re back to the super breathy acting.. why…

Im glad they keep mentioning Phoebe, like, the writers haven’t forgotten about her so that’s a good sign.

Im SORRY. She keeps a SHOTGUN in an UNLOCKED closet?? WITH NOAH IN THE HOUSE?!?!

Anyone else super confused as to how her ribs aren’t broken? Or at least cracked? Like… it really seems like it..

Okay… her lingering on amanda’s empty desk is giving me s13 flashbacks, like, amanda would have reached out…. She’s literally married to someone olivia sees on a regular basis.

I’m hot for Duarte now and I fully blame @bulletproof for that….

Wait… I just saw a commercial for Chicago PD… I watched the new ep right before my l&o viewings… was Hank even in this week’s ep??

Omg muncy was so fucking excited to take off the blazer lolololol

Who TF is this guy… detective Bruno…. I swear I know him from somewhere

Oh… okay… he’s been on svu 5 times before… (as different characters… the one being the husband of the woman who accused Stone of assault)

This ep is meh. There’s too much fin and olivia and this new fuck I don’t care about, give me the characters I *want* to see pls.

Seriously… why must police always think that people know about their HALF siblings?!? People be whores… I didn’t know I had THREE half brothers til I was 14…

Overall… this was underwhelming.

I know it’s a three parter (I believe?) so like, there’s more coming, but like… underwhelming as a whole. I’m not even going to bother to gif any of it this week. Sorry not sorry besties.

[agendratum]

ok so it’s been 3 thousand years and i had the tabs with the tag games opened this entire time so it’s finally time to actually reply to them, and i’ll put them all in one post cause i think my brain won’t let me tag that many people rn

10 characters, 10 fandoms, 10 tags 

tagged by @kissporsche thank you!! now forgive me i will be desperately trying to remember any type of media that i know and characters in it that i might like (my mind - empty)

1. kinnporsche - pete (yes i will also start with an obvious one, idk if anyone noticed that i love pete but now you know that i love pete)

2. word of honor - gu xiang (sorry wkx for being second in my heart, but i think he would understand)

3. the untamed - nie huaisang (apparently currently in the moment, but fav cql character is always a tough question)

4. the devil judge - jung sunah (i support bisexual rights and i support bisexual wrongs)

5. tgcf - shi qingxuan (ignoring all the spoilers, they can’t hurt me if i don’t see them)

6. legend of fei - a-fei

7. the locked tomb - dulcinea/cytherea (listen-)

8. advance bravely - li zhenzhen (i had to)

9. love in the air - sky (he is my son and i haven’t even watched it ksljadsa)

10. svsss - shang qinghua (based on the first book and memes)

i did it, i remembered fandoms, now moving on to

tropes tag game 

tagged by @braceletofteeth thank you!!

found family or soulmates || slow burn or established but complicated || enemies-to-friends-to-lovers or best friends-to-lovers || love at first sight or get back together || morally grey character or unreliable narrator || sunshine character or sarcastic character || self-sacrificing or teamwork || fire-forged friends or childhood friends || description-heavy or dialogue-heavy || fluff or angst || high school au or college (professors) au || flower symbolism or color symbolism || hero from the start or reveal the hero near the end || body swap or gender swap || bed sharing or clothes sharing || magic au or human au || de-aged or future fic

🍂🍁 AUTUMN EDITION 🍁🍂 

tagged by @misspoetree thank you! so smart of me to be doing this in almost the end of november oof

tea or hot chocolate, cozy books or halloween movies, plaid or corduroy (had to look this word up wow), foggy mornings or twinkly nights, orange or black, pumpkin or apple pie, wool or velvet, picking fruit or carving pumpkins, libraries or coffee shops, cinnamon or peanut butter, spooky or cozy halloween, candles or fairy lights

put your playlist on shuffle 

rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to. put your playlist on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, and then tag 10 people. no skipping! 

also tagged by @kissporsche thank you again!! the only issue is i’m currently using like three different services to listen to music so to keep it fair (to myself) i’m gonna take turns shuffling my likes/playlists on all three of them for this one ooof

1. fifteen minutes - mike krol (i know this is from steven universe klasjd)

2. dark (x-file) - (G)I-DLE

3. sorry, i love you - stray kids

4. clear ft. mothica (shawn wasabi remix) - pusher (i don’t even know if the title is correct for this one)

5. give me your tmi - stray kids

6. mirror mirror - milli, f.hero, changbin of stray kids (i knew this one before and still didn’t realise that this is what us danced to on the tour, can you believe it)

7. twisted - MISSIO

8. taste - stray kids (did it actually shuffle the songs tho?)

9. scream - dreamcatcher

10. love stuck - mother mother

okaaay, do i’m gonna tag some peeps here, but obviously only do it if you want, and only the one/s you want to do, no pressure, you know the drill: @vegasandhishedgehog @greenwitching @braceletofteeth @trueplainhearts @t4tvegaspete @sugarbabywenkexing @yilinglaozuhot @the-rat-king-shriggy @guzhu-furen @petesvegas